Maybe it’s the weather– finally getting rain. Maybe it’s the news this morning. Maybe the fact that me refridgerator isn’t cooling the way it should is working it to this, too. Maybe it’s all these things. But reading the morning news, I feel as though I’m standing on a field, watching the clouds get lower and darker.
I haven’t felt exactly like this for a long time. . . some terrible and sad anticipation, waiting for another shoe to drop, certain that it will. I felt a little of this back when we had that sniper on the loose. I felt it more in the months after 9/11, as we went to war, and I knew that everything was changing, and not necessarily for the better.
And reading the news this morning, for some reason, I have been overcome by that feeling again. That a point was reached, something catalyzed, and now everything changes again, and not necessarily for the better. I am uneasy about what might result, and the consequences of those results. Already the politicization has begun (predictably so, to my disgust) . . . how convinient for Hillary with that illegal treaty-signing coming up.
[No, I’m not spinning conspiracy theories yet. The devil doesn’t need Soros, just finds him handy from time to time.]
And it’s not even fear or anxiety, as such. It’s this great sorrow, a somewhat larger feeling of autumn-melancholy as the last leaves fall beneath the first snow. The feeling that something beautiful and bright and precious just faded into shadow, and even though you have Faith that spring will come. . . right now, you can only see the lengthening night and feel the ever-colder winds, and mourn for the something that just disappeared.