Iron Butterflies (or, Varying Perspectives on the word “Senbonzakura”)

Back at the beginning of the summer of 2017, I read Ivan Throne’s The Nine Laws. Several days after I completed reading it, I posted the following review to Amazon.

I would call your attention to the second paragraph, where I list books from my library. Naturally, I recommend all the books listed there, but for those with some knowledge already of either Mr. Throne and/ or dear St. Therese, there might be a bit of puzzlement. You note that I mention they are stunning juxtapositions, and that were I a teacher, I would recommend reading both and then reconciling the two. Perhaps, you might yourself wonder, “But Z, how do you reconcile these two? They are as different from each other as night and day!”

Exactly. Yet both night and day are the same sky, the same depths of space around our little planet, each every bit as real and true as the other. Let’s step back a bit, rewind a bit for context.

In the Beginning, was the Word (or Kether, or Taiji), which resounded into the Void. This resonance was then here and there (Heaven and Earth, or Binah-Chokmah, or In-yo). Every metaphysical philosophy that survives for more than generation places Polarity right there at the beginning: (+) / (-),  1/0, Yes/ No, Male/ Female, Order/ Chaos, Outward/ Inward, Light/ Dark. From this primal polar duality, came all interactions that followed: the Tree of Life, The Elements, all the little bytes that together are the sum of Creation.

[This is, of course, why I am so taken with the Electric Universe theories– because they fit right in with all that metaphysicians have always insisted. Polarity, magnetism, the flow of energy from pole to pole, the dance of the poles at all levels. Good stuff. Anyway, moving on. . .]

So, if we want to have an accurate view of Reality, of That Which IS, then we must see with both eyes, the Eye of (+) and the Eye of (-). Only with both eyes open, do we have a chance of perceiving the Depths.

St Therese’s Story of a Soul is the most thoroughly (-) book I have ever read [Do not read (-) as “negative-bad”, but rather as “inward”, “yin/ in”, or as “negative polarity”]. The Little Way is, if properly understood, a revolutionary strategy in spiritual warfare. Consider: For various natural and understandable reasons, spiritual warfare and battle is often seen as Michael getting into it with Satan, or Raphael with Asmodeus, or Mary with the Serpent. We read of the great deeds of the prophets and saints, the Martyrs, great men and women who endured great suffering, or were great reformers, or great this or that. But how many of us are great? How many of us can be Great? We have mortgages, children, boring, tedious jobs, and though we volunteer with our church, we make no great ripples. How can we score great blows for Christ when we are, well, us?

This is where the Little Way comes in. St. Therese says, you need not do great things, merely small things with great love. One needn’t renounce the world to sacrifice, merely one’s hubris. The Little Way shows that Love manifests as sacrifice, so we sacrifice for those we love. We wash the dishes for Mom, we care for our aging Dad, our infirm neighbor. We reach out to our brother or sister who struggles. We say “I cannot save everyone, maybe I cannot even save you, but I can at least hold your hand and help steady your step.” Every moment of every day is a chance to find some small sacrifice, some manifestation of Love.

You may nod at this point and say, “Well, that’s very nice and all, but how is that revolutionary?” Good question. Think of it like this: Every time we allow these small manifestations of Love, the small, constant sacrifices, it’s like a butterfly, flapping its wings. Flit-flit. Flit-flit. And what do the beating of so many butterfly wings create?

Hurricanes. The Little Way is Chaos Theory Spirituality. Flit-flit BOOM!

It’s probably a good thing we little butterflies never see our storms, because it helps us avoid hubris. The ignorance (while living within Time) helps us keep our equilibrium on the narrow path of Virtue. In terms of Spiritual Warfare, it is, for Evil, for Satan, Death by a Thousand Cuts. Each little sacrifice for Love is not a nuke, or a JDAM, or a grenade, but a slender bo shuriken to the face, or a caltrop in the foot. It is tiny, crowd-sourced spiritual warfare. The kind that every child, housewife, farmer, or office drone can take part in. Everyone can then get in the fight, millions upon millions of butterflies beating their wings in time. Millions upon Millions of Ninjas of the Lord raining down caltrops, kunai, and shuriken against Satan every moment of everyday, while those few called to bigger acts still lob their bombs and missiles. A million tiny stars shining together into the darkness.

Do you understand?

Now, compare that to what I wrote about Mr. Throne’s book in the third paragraph of my review above. The Nine Laws is about our fallen, physical world, the unpleasant truths about how the currents and storms of this world manifest, and how to make your way through them. If The Nine Laws is “How to Keep the Ship of Self Afloat and Going”, then The Story of A Soul is “How to Smuggle Our Lord into Enemy Territory in a Fully Armed Galleon While Looking Like a Little Fishing Vessel.”

The first is an amoral operations manual, full of knowledge that once was commonly known. In the past decades, however, many of us been living in luxurious fantasies about reality and the nature of Nature. You cannot help your brother, your family, your neighbor, if the currents of the world keep dragging you under. You cannot choose to Sacrifice for Love if you are not able to Freely Choose. Therefore, the knowledge in The Nine Laws is the essential foundation for anything else one would pursue, be it wealth, power, or Heaven itself.

The Nine Laws has both (+) and (-) elements but I would say that overall, is a very (+) book, because it is very concerned with the nature of the World Around Us, the outward, the Yo. It is Super Masculine, in much the same way that the Story of A Soul is Super Feminine. Together, with the (-) of Story of A Soul, one can start to dimly perceive the Profound Depths of Creation. Both are True, both are Real.

You must see with both eyes.

Dignity, Discernment, and the Importance of Borders

I wanted to tell you a bit about my first story. “Auntie’s Magnificent Bricks” was written specifically for the MAGA 2020 anthology. I took a good look at the call for entries and said to myself, “Sure, I can give that a shot!” Here’s what the call for entries said:

MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN. Create a Utopian future that was brought to us by President Donald J. Trump. How big will the wall be, and will it make things better? Will the UN & NATO be replaced by something better? Will Russia & China become our new allies, help us destroy ISIS, and get Iran & North Korea in line? Under Trump will we colonize in space, will The Smithsonian divulge secrets of ancient cultures, will the celebrities move out of the USA, or will we see Hollywood lose its grip on America?

TRUMP HATERS NEED NOT APPLY. Looking for the futurist perspective, peering years ahead, give us your take on what America will be like after Trump PUTS AMERICA FIRST. Will he unify the nation despite attempts to undermine his Presidency, restore America’s economy, end partisan politics, or maybe connects us with extraterrestrials? But this is a positive perspective on Trump being President, so don’t be negative.

I took this call for entries at its word, and the result is something a little more political and jingoistic than I might otherwise have written. After all, I’m a no-name just starting out on this writing thing, so I had to be sure that my story fit what was being requested to have a shot at publication.

That said, it’s not all politics and meme-culture (although Kek help me, there is some meme culture). I took the idea of the Wall, and pondered the idea of borders, barriers, and boundaries. There’s this idea in our culture, for as long as I’ve been alive (so, since at least 1980), that boundaries are inherently bad– that they only serve to be broken. Whether the lines are in a coloring book or on a map, there’s this idea that people should not be constrained (oppressed!) by these lines, but rather should take hold of their human freedom and break through these boundaries, thus breaking the chains of their own oppression!

The philosopher Stefan Molyneux states that “the basis of morality is essentially property“, a statement with which I find myself completely in agreement. [If this doesn’t immediately strike you as true, watch the video at the link, and explore some of his other related work.] Going a bit further, one of the key principles of property is borders, the definition of the property.

All of the greatest crimes that we as a (barely) functioning society recognize have to do with violations of property: Murder, Rape, Theft are all violations of borders. The first two are violations of bodily autonomy (a human’s primary property), the third is the violation of one’s things: one’s land, one’s objects, one’s food, etc. Kidnapping is theft of the person itself, which adds a bit of the extreme personal borders violation of murder or rape, likewise involuntary servitude (slavery). Pedophilia is the rape (or desired rape) of those who have not yet grown enough to be able to assert their own rights, which is why it is so particularly reprehensible. It’s rape².

Thus, to have a functional society, all the members of that society must have a firm grasp on this: Where does the property of one end, and another begin? What is “mine”, and what is “not mine”?

This question is at the bottom of every major policy question of our day. For example, Pro-Life advocates argue that the artificial termination of a pregnancy violates the borders of the bodily autonomy of the small human growing in a woman’s womb. Pro-abortion advocates proclaim that a woman has a right to do with her body whatever she wills, declaring that there is no other party, property, or border to be thus violated. This is why the one side sees murder where the other only sees “a medical procedure”.

It’s not just a modern question, however. In fact, the entire Bible is a history of God asserting His property rights over the world, of God instituting borders and telling His humans: “Don’t cross these lines!”, “This is your area,” and “this is Not you area”. This theme begins in the very beginning of Genesis: God has created Everything, including Humans, and has placed Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. God tells them: “I’m giving you the whole Garden, all of it, to be yours, to eat from and enjoy, except this one tree, here. Don’t eat anything from this one single tree. This one tree is Not Yours.”

So naturally, Eve eats from that one tree and convinces Adam to do the same. They willfully violate the one border God set up. Why? Greed, envy, curiosity, the inability of women to respect the personal boundaries of other people, who knows? The fact is, they violated that border: this was the original sin. Yes, it was disobedience as we are so often taught, but that disobedience came in the form of a border violation. This is then further compounded when both Adam and Eve try to shift responsibility for this transgression away from themselves. The man blames the woman and the woman blames the serpent. Not only have they now violated the border between what is theirs and what is God’s, but now they are denying their own bodily autonomy, denying the basis of their own property. This completes a complete inversion of God’s Creation, this is the actual Fall, not the consequences later described. Adam and Eve are basically telling God “All things are ours, except our own beings, which are beyond our own control.”

This sounds familiar. Ever notice how some people demand all things from all people, but never take responsibility for their own selves? It’s the same story, since the beginning. The violation of borders is the core of what makes a sin, a sin. One cannot violate the borders of a country without sinning any more than one can rape without sinning. They are the same sin, only at different levels of personal closeness.

This is the concept I was dealing with when I wrote “Auntie’s Magnificent Bricks”: the importance of barriers and walls at all levels. Our protagonist, Jada, learns of a past where the borders and barriers necessarily to live as civilized beings were broken down, and the struggle of the previous generation to re-establish the much needed psychological, social, and physical barriers needed for civilization. She comes to understand why her aunt (and others of her generation) are always harping on “Dignity and Discernment”, and why The Wall is so much more than just a wall.

Yes, there is some political window dressing, but the main thrust of the story stands on its own, as a call for all people to practice Discernment and reclaim their Dignity.

ANNOUNCING MAGA 2020 AND BEYOND!

It is with great pride and excitement that I present to you, my select audience, the formal announcement of the anthology containing my debut work

MAGA 2020 and Beyond

MAGA 2020 and Beyond is being published by Superversive Press, an up and coming powerhouse of Science Fiction and Fantasy publishing, free from the stifling political correctness that is killing the rest of the NY City based publishing houses. Today, Subversive released their official notice that this anthology will be released this upcoming 8 November 2017. Pre-orders can be made for the kindle edition at this time, and this post will be updated once the paperback link is up.

My story is called “Auntie’s Magnificent Bricks”. It’s about a young lady learning about dignity, discernment, her family’s past, America’s past, and the importance of borders both physical and psychological (yes, including THE WALL).

I will post more between now and November, including what I know of the other stories. I’ve heard rumors about Barron Trump piloting a mecha, which I hope are true, because I will read the crap out of that! For now, go forth and pre-order your own copy today!

So much writing! But not here

I’ve not been on, lately, because I’ve actually finally started to make a bit of headway with the fiction writing. Yes, there will be updates. One later today, another in a couple weeks, and we’ll see from there. There will also be some more sprucing up the joint, taking out old links, adding new friends, etc . . .

So for now, stay tuned!

Clean up in previous entry

So, I just edited an older post: “How to Spot a Fake-Azz ‘Occult Expert’ in Two Words” had a comparison in it that, a few years later, no longer works. I updated this comparison, left a note, the previous words just just struck through. But, I wanted to note this, for the sake of transparency. So there you are. Yes, I changed it.

So embarrassing!!!

Sometimes, we know people who do stupid things. It happens. Sometimes, we’re associated with a place that the makes the news for stupid reasons. My Alma Mater, Loyola University New Orleans, has prompted a few eye-rolling moments from me over the past couple of years, but this really takes the taco.

Professor Call Cops on Cop-Student, for being a Cop.

No, for real! A current student, Sgt. Josh Collins of the Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office, didn’t have time to change out of his uniform and safely secure his sidearm one day, so went to class wearing both. Another student, presumably named Speshall Snoflayk, whined to a professor, who then called the cops– that’s right, more dudes with uniforms and sidearms– about the student in a uniform with a sidearm.

St. Ignatius and All Companions, pray for my patience! I’m not able to donate much money to many causes at the moment, but if I ever sell a story for a lucrative movie deal, Loyola New Orleans is currently OFF the “To Donate” list. I hope that this is a smack in the face to the administration that has allowed this stupidity to grow and fester. It was bad enough when I was there back at the turn of the century, but what I’ve seen over the past 12-24 months is a campus culture going off the rails. Because this line, while damning, is pretty reflective of what I’ve been seeing:

At the end of the day, Loyola University is little more than a daycare for young “adults.” $52,000 a year is a bit much to spend for daycare, even if you’re living on campus.

This is embarrassing as an alum! Hey, Society of Jesus: For years I’ve been trying to defend my beloved “Jebbies” from blanket accusations of Marxism and Heresy, but if you guys don’t get your shit straightened out, get some Catholic back into your Catholic University, some Academics into your School, and some Actual, Biblical Jesus back into your Society, I’m gonna give up! I know there are some younger members of the order with a firmer grasp on Orthodoxy and Doctrine, and I pray you don’t run them out and or ruin them before their formation is complete. But in the meantime, it’s like you’re trying your damnedest to prove all the worst accusations and conspiracy theories correct!

Get your shit together, Jebbies, and straighten out your institutions before it’s too late, if it isn’t already!

Time for Another Confession

I’ve . . . well, I was going to write another post, but then realized that I had to write this one first.I’ve a confession to make, something I need to be published, along with my reasoning, for the sake of honesty and transparency.

I voted for Donald Trump. I wasn’t going to, I didn’t want to, and living where I do, it really didn’t matter anyway, but I did. And I’d like to explain why I did so that there is no question later, for good or ill.

Originally, I was a Cruz supporter, because I actually believe in the ideals and ideas behind the Declaration of Independence and The Constitution, I believe they should be upheld, and I though Cruz was the best bet. I liked most of the Repubs running in the primary, to be honest, through was distinctly disliked a few, among them Trump and Jeb who were, to me, the Twinned Pinnacles of Establishment. My initial dislike of Trump was further inflamed by the behavior of many of his supporters among my friends. Their feverish, unquestioning supports was too reminiscent of the 2007-Present support of the Obama-Otaku, and disturbed me greatly. That and I was starting to see and hear things about some of the people that support him that disturbed me. (More on that with a post to follow, regarding my personal look into the “alt-Right”.)

Still, he won the nomination, so after one single day of expressing my dismay after the Convention, I kept my mouth shut. By then, it was looking like Hillary would get the Dem nomination and, despite my misgivings about Trump, I had sorta sworn Eternal Vengeance on Her for Reasons Not Limited to Benghazi. So while I wouldn’t support him, I dang sure well wasn’t going to do anything to help her. He may be a con-man and a swindler, but she’s a conniving, murdering b*tch.

But now a new dynamic started up, and (almost) all my lefty friends started working to Do Their Part for Her! The sheer amount of casual bigotry, hatred, lying and blithe-passing-along-of-lies that I saw every single damn day so disgusted and sickened me, that I started considering voting for Trump just because they didn’t want me to. But I didn’t want my vote to be decided by spite (I may have sorted Slytherin, but acting on emotion is not really considered Best Practices among our House). So, being the (somewhat) decent Catholic girl that I am, I prayed about it. And I mean, on my knees, with actual tears, begging God to let me know how to exercise my civic duty without completely offending Him. I begged, “Lord, please, just, hit me with a rock or something, You know how flipping clueless I am. . .”

For months, I assumed that when I got into the booth, I would go third party. Despite that Johnson and Weld were sh*t Libertarians, and awful candidates, I was reasonably sure they’d get my vote. Otherwise, the choice seemed between Civil War (Trump), or Wold Wide Nuclear War (Hillary). Both seemed really quite awful. But still, I prayed.

And on Thursday, 03 November 2016, that prayer was answered, via the work of Wikileaks. Mind you, I don’t entirely trust Wikileaks, don’t entirely trust Mr. Assange, not as far as motives are concerned. Perhaps I’m too cynical to believe that their motives are as stated. But I also acknowledge their pretty-damn-sterling record in terms of accuracy of their releases. So, what was it in the releases that caught my eye? Well, if you’re familiar with any of my older writings, you would likely guess the whole Spirit Cooking thing. And you’d be right.

Spirit Cooking is the term used for the Occultic Work of Marina Abramovich. This is the sort of thing that Alex Jones has been raving about, and even I (who should have known better!) dismissed. But now we had actual evidence. No longer hearsay, we now have video, emails, actual evidence to back up all the worst emails . . . These following video is disturbing, but it is still just an intro to the subject:

And I can’t believe I’m actually adding an InfoWars vid, but this is also useful:

Myself, I didn’t really need the explanations, or the quotes. I just needed one email and two pictures, before I recognized the sick-sweet, metallic smell of hardcore, black occultism. Likewise the fetid morass that results from prolonged exposure to such ritual.  I always skirted the edges in terms of organized occultism, was never directly involved with any group save for some like-minded over the internet and, of course, K-Sensei. But the groups I knew of in New Orleans had no interest for me, nor I for them. But. . . I was aware of them. And I know their scent.

While I was never personally involved with such groups, I am not a stranger to the use of pain and blood, my own at least. Only ever in very small quantities, used as amplifier and seal. But this. . .

This was Whole ‘Nother Level of Evil. This was the Rock that I’d asked the Lord to toss at my cranium, and it hit with a resounding Gongggggg! It was no longer a matter of not supporting Her, it was now imperative that She, and those around Her, be kept out of the White House. Is Trump of the same “elite” set? Maybe. The difference was that now we had proof that one side definitely was into some Very Bad Things, but only speculation-by-association for the other. She had to be kept out, no matter how much I was not a fan of Trump.

So, I voted for him, even though I felt my stomach turn as a I did so. And when, against all my expectation, he won, I determined to withhold further judgement until after his inauguration– just as I did in 2008 when Obama won despite my meaningless opposition. I don’t trust politicians, or much of anyone in a position of “power”. So of course I’ll keep an eye on him.

But having Her at least temporarily out of the picture is a Good Thing, no matter how his time turns out.

RE: The Inanity of “Gun Control”

After the Orlando Massacre, I posted a series of posts on my Facebook feed regarding this issue. This post serves to consolidate them in one place, clean up, edit, and add a bit more thought and information to them.

I’m limiting this post strictly to the issues regarding guns and the Orlando Massacre. I will not be posting on any other aspects, and I would ask commenters to likewise refrain from bringing those issues up. My Friends List is varied and diverse, and I actually like most of the people on it. In fact, the 2 or 3 people I like least are among those most likely to agree with what I’m saying here, so. . . chew on that a bit.

Subjects addressed will be: The Weapon Used in the Orlando Massacre, A Brief Mention of Gun Crime Stats in the US, the Truth About “Assault Weapons” (If you skip all the others, pay attention to this one), the Purpose of the 2nd Amendment, and Why I have had an AR-15 on my personal wishlist for a few years (self-styled feminists should take note of this one, too).

Ok then, let’s go!

The Weapon Used in the Orlando Massacre

The firearm used in the Orlando Massacre was NOT an AR-15. Let’s first be clear about this. The firearm used was a Sig Sauer MCX Carbine. “AR-15” is a specific system design (AR from ArmaLite Rifle, before they sold the design to Colt), not a overall classification. The media and other ignorant people like to call all semi-automatic rifles “AR-15s”, because they’re scary-looking and AR-15 sounds scary. Calling this an AR-15 is like calling an American Girl a Barbie, just because they’re both dolls with changeable clothes. “AR-15” is a registered trademark to Colt but, due to common usage, the term is sometimes used for variants of the same basic design which can use the same parts. But this shiney-ass Sig? It’s a rifle system that sometimes utilizes the STANAG magazines that are common to more than 60 different firearms (because interchangeable magazines are just basic sense, see link), but otherwise has no major parts that interface with AR-15s in any way, shape or form. Therefore, not an AR-15.

I bring this up because I’ve seen a petition passed around for banning AR-15s. So, knee-jerk ignorance has yet again struck upon an utterly useless solution that will solve nothing, prevent nothing, and probably make the situation worse, as usual.

Why should the average, non-gun-nut person care? Because if you actually give half a damn about trying to prevent future massacres, future unnecessary, innocent deaths, then you need to actually care about 1) What has worked historically to accomplish that end,  2) What might possibly have prevented the events that horrify you, and thus, 3) What ideas might possibly help in the future, as opposed to those ideas that will accomplish nothing good, and might actually make things worse.

Every time you promote a solution that clearly and obviously would have done nothing to prevent the event you claim horrifies you so much, what you’re really promoting is your own arrogance and self-righteousness. It shows that you don’t actually care the slightest bit for the victims or their loved ones, or the future victims and their loved ones. It shows that what you really care about is your unearned sense Moral Superiority, your belief that you are So Much Better than everyone that disagrees with your knee-jerk, brainless emoting. All you care about is making yourself feel good in public. It is Public Masturbation of the Ego, and it’s disgusting to the rest of us. Which is why we keep telling you to stop already, put that mess away.

Some sources for you (and that I’ve pulled some info form): http://bearingarms.com/…/narrative-fail-orlando-islamic-te…/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AR-15
http://bearingarms.com/…/fact-check-ar-15-wasnt-used-orlan…/

Moving on. . .

A Brief Mention of Statistics.

I’ll note right out that I hate statistics. Of all my textbooks from all my college and university courses, the only one that prompted suicidal thoughts every time I opened it was my “statistics” book. I’m of a mind to agree with Mr. Mark Twain: “There’s lies, damn lies, and statistics.”

That said, if we keep away from some of the more egregious number manipulation, they can show some good, useful information. So:

http://www.theacru.org/harvard_study_gun_control_is_counte…/

http://www.pewresearch.org/…/gun-homicides-steady-after-de…/

http://www.justfacts.com/guncontrol.asp

http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/…/gun-homicide-rate-down-49…/

http://www.bjs.gov/content/guns.cfm

I’ve tried to keep these sources as non-political as possible, which is hard when it comes to this matter. The only one that I’d say isn’t 100% objective is the first one, but I included it sums up what follows.

But it also comes down to basic sense: Murder is already illegal and generally socially unacceptable. Pretty much No One supports Murder. And yet, it happens. Because people who choose to murder don’t give a damn about the fact that it’s outlawed.

Once a Bad Person has decided to Murder (thus flouting the law against such an action), they tend to not give much of a damn about any other laws, like “This thing is Banned”, or “Register this thing”, or “Don’t do this other thing, cuz we say so!”. Like, seriously, they don’t care. They’ll find a way. And if there are laws that others obey, thus cramping their Murder-Style, why then they’ll go buy fertilizer and rent a truck, get creative with kitchen gadgets like pressure cookers, get stabby with a kitchen knife, or go onto the black market and buy some illegal firearms. Or get a security position with the government thus giving them a position with carefully crafted exemptions to the laws. Like just happened.

The only people, in fact, that abide by gun control laws are the law abiding people who don’t Murder others. They care about the law. They don’t want to be criminals, because they’re Decent, Civilized Beings. Such laws only effect non-murderers. Only Non-Murderers are disarmed, thus leaving them as happy(?) sitting ducks for any Murderer to come and pick off at will.

Which is why every massacre happens in a Gun-Free Zone, filled with defenseless innocents who can offer no effective resistance. Which is why they Never happen at Gun Shows or NRA Conventions.

The Truth About “Assault Weapons”

If you do nothing else, if you skip every other post in your quest to remain sanctimoniously ignorant, go to this link and go through the Whole Damn Thing. http://www.assaultweapon.info/

Summary: Assault Rifles are already banned. “Assault Weapons” is a term that, I Shit You Not, means “Scary Looking.” Seriously, go through the whole thing. None of this is new to me, but it might be new for you. Please, even if only to make your own arguments more intelligible. I will know if you haven’t done your homework. It will be patently obvious to everyone who already knew all this, or who just learned it all themselves.

Related Extra Credit Reading: http://www.gunsandammo.com/gun-culture/9-misused-gun-terms/

 

The Purpose of the 2nd Amendment

The 2nd Amendment has Jack Sh*t to do with hunting. There purpose of the 2nd Amendment is to protect civilians from the government when it inevitably turns against them.

Like it did at say, Wounded Knee (The Lakota women weren’t even allowed to possess the tools needed to to sew beads onto their dresses, okay? And they and their children were mercilessly slaughtered, and their murderers given Medals of Honor. Don’t tell me it won’t or can’t happen in America– it already has). Or, as has happened in countless other countries in the 20th and 21st Centuries.

The core purpose of the 2nd Amendment is to act as an Auto-Destruct in Case of Constitutional Failure. The only reason we haven’t yet gone to the terrible extremes of other totalitarian states is because enough legislators know that enough citizens remember that it is the government that should be scared of the citizens, not the other way around.

Why is this not reality?! (Promo pic for the delightfully silly yet accurate Girls Und Panzer)

Which means, yes, the 2nd Amendment protects theGod-given Right of the Citizens toeffectively defend themselves against their own military. In this context, then, the fact that I can’t own a working Tank is an abomination (I even know where I’d park it!)– but one I understand due to the mess that would result if everybody took tanks to work. Likewise my lack of F-16 (don’t know where I’d park this).

 

Y’all know I love the US Military, and not just because the US Army pays my bills. I love and Respect The Crap out of our War-fighters, okay? I don’t want there to ever be a day when the 2nd amendment is triggered for it’s purpose. But you know what? I have no respect for our politicians, and little hope that they’ll suddenly learn even a sliver of the honor of our war-fighters. The 2nd Amendment *must* be preserved against that horrible day.

The secondary purpose of 2nd Amendment is that it is the only thing that allows minorities to effectively protect themselves against a hostile majority. It is the Right that allows the Great Equalizer to take effect– it allows women to stand a chance against stronger male attackers, it allows racial and religious minorities to protect themselves from the likes of the KKK. The Pink Pistols say that “Armed Gays Don’t Get Bashed.”– and you know what, they’re right! (Also, the Pink Pistol’s ain’t the only Gay Guns! Group in town anymore: Check out the delightful https://www.facebook.com/LGBTforGunRights page!)

If any of you want to learn the safe and proper handling of firearms, I highly recommend the NRA courses. I’ve taken a couple, and they’re very informative, and include range time and tests.

Why I Want An AR-15 (Since the State of Maryland Won’t Allow Me to Own an AK-47)

So, truth be told, I’ve been wanting an AR-15 of my own for a couple of years. I have to straighten out some other finances first (I still owe my Dad $300 from Balticon), and there are some House-things that need doing, but an AR-15 is on the wishlist. Let me tell you why (“feminists” might find this of interest):

Coupla years ago, I think it was my friend Kory, he let me borrow his AR-15 during a shooting day at a mutual friend’s range. And I fell instantly in love. Know why? The Adjustable Stock.

Here’s the thing: the proportions of my upper-arms to my lower-arms (length-wise) are a bit out of whack. For reasons therefore of strange geometry, the standard-size stocks of most rifles I’ve tried are very hard for me to handle. It’s like my arms simply aren’t long enough, or jointed right, to hold properly and securely.

In addition, I’m left-eye dominant, even though was born ambidextrous and generally write right-handed. I need a left-handed or ambidextrous rifle.

Also, maybe you didn’t know, but I’m female. Although I do my pushups and haul heavy boxes with the best of folk (often surprising the fellas when it comes to such things), I’m still relatively weak when it comes to upper-body strength. Rifles are both long and heavy, therefore requiring greater arm strength to properly control for more than a minute or two at a time.

The AR-15 is a modular system, which means that you can assemble a custom built rifle for a much more affordable price than if you had to order a non-modular rifle with the needed specs. So I can get the adjustable stock for my weird arms, and I can make sure it’s set up for left-handed use (or more easily get a gunsmith to make a few adjustments to make it ambidextrous). It’s relatively lightweight, which means that I and other women can use it with greater ease and accuracy.

It’s also generally quite affordable (depending on what parts you choose), which means that lower-income women have economic access to it.

Please keep in mind that accuracy is a safely matter above anything else. So too, flash suppressors, sound suppressors, and heat cages. They might look scary because Hollywood has taught you that they looks scary, but these are all safety measures.

I’ve been invited to take part in several informal shooting competitions, but I can’t really take part at this time because my rifles either don’t have change-able magazines, or because their cartridge capacity is too low. An Ar-15 would allow me to compete with my friends (who, themselves, mostly use Ar-15s in these competitions), but would also allow me a self-defense weapon that is reliable, is easy to use in an emergency, and is easy to control when adrenaline might otherwise make it very difficult.

So why do I want an AR-15? Because it would allow me to play with my friends, *and* effectively defend myself should my living-on-my-onesies situation become a little too tempting for the local criminal element. And because I can customize with all the obnoxious Hello!Kitty crap I want. Just like my ammo cans!

I may post further updates. Eventually. Who really knows.

A Great Upending in the Year of Mercy

Yes, it’s been quite a while. Which will be sort-of addressed in the following paragraphs.

2015 was a year of internal change. Of figuring out my goals, my direction (or lack thereof), of realizing my vocation (at long-bloody-last!). In mid December, I knew what items I needed to really change things in 2016: A good planner, and a couple good books on organizing one’s life. Because if there’s one thing the developments of 2015 showed me, it’s that I had no organization in my life, and was getting horribly overwhelmed every time I tried to get things together. I needed guidance, a system, something to keep me from drowning in my own chaos. [I’m very good with chaos, but Chaos is, almost paradoxically, a static state. Chaos may grow, but it never progresses. Likewise with the other extreme, perfect order, because the only perfect order, the only perfect peace, is the heat-death of the universe. So, also not-desired. What is needed is the careful balance of Chaos and Order, the friction of which provides movement in a direction.

So. First I found the Top-Down Planner. It was a bit pricier than I expected for a planner, but I could tell that this was exactly the sort of organization and focus I needed. Basically, instead of  devoting all the space to schedule with maybe a small little square for goals, this planner devotes most of its space to your working out and planning your goals, with a schedule space at the bottom of the pages. I find the space is sufficient for my scheduling needs, but the focus on goals is fantastic.

After shopping around both online and off-line, I found nothing that even came close to this focus and layout. So I went with it. It came in last week, and I’ve been working with it ever since. I love it!  I spent a couple of days last week just working on the first pages, where it takes you through a series of exercises designed to first help you identify the values you life your life by, and then the goals you have for your life. The results of these exercises are then used to set the focus for the rest of the year, first on a month-by month basis, then as a week-by week basis, around which you then schedule your days. This focus on life values and life goals really helps to highlight which parts of your life are the most personally fulfilling, and which are just filling time. The Goal focus of the planner has already really helped me focus my own efforts around my selected goals, and the steps needed to progress toward their achievement.It has also started the crisis of the week, though it’s a good and necessary crisis. I’ll get to that in a minute.

Second, I found two highly rated (on Amazon) organization guides, both by Jennifer Ford Berry– Organize Now! A week-by-week guide to simplify your space and your life, and Organize Now! Think and Live Clutter-Free; A week-by-week plan for a happier, healthier life. I purchased them because they were highly rated, spiral bound, took things in small increments over the course of the year, and started with organizing one’s self before organizing one’s space. The first two weeks of the first book are “Organize your mind & Life Vision”, and “Organize Your Priorities”. The first two weeks of the second are “Organize Your Priorities”, and “Organize a Vision Board.” You can see there’s some overlap (and, they both dovetail very nicely with the work being done in the planner). Each week is only a few pages long, and includes checklists of things to think about, schedule, or do. I sit down on Sunday evenings and read the chapter for the coming week. If there are things to schedule, I add them to my planner. Otherwise, I just think them over for the next week, implement what I can, and then on Saturday evening, evaluate the developments of the week and where to go from there.

As you might imagine, this has lead to my goals and priorities being on my mind quite a bit over the past month, and especially over the past two weeks. What am I supposed to accomplish in this life? Why am I getting nowhere with the things I really feel a need to do?

When I was working on the initial pages of the planner, I ended up setting out 4 Goals. [I should note first, in case you don’t know me personally, or haven’t known me personally for a long time, that I often tend to think and express myself in symbolic terms. Not everything I say is meant to be understood literally. Sometimes I’m short-handing big concepts or ideas. Sometimes my expression is halfway between symbolic and literal, or both. I guess it’s understood through context. Or asking me. That works, too . . . sometimes.] The 4 Goals I set out were 1) Maintain/ Enhance Life Order, including Finances (because nothing else will work out well if the bottom falls out of everything), 2) Become a Ninja, 3) Establish the Clan and 4) Establish and Promote the Ninja-verse Fandom. There is a significant amount of overlap between some of these, but that’s okay.

Clearly, “Become a Ninja” is not exactly literal. But it’s not purely symbolic, either. It’s a list of things I want to learn, or become proficient at, to be more self-sufficient, and more capable of being of use in an emergency situation (this is where my physical fitness goals are categorized). To be more the person that gives aid, than the person that needs aid. “Establish the Clan” is about family and homesteads, the philosophical and physical needs of establishing and maintaining family connections and networks (and yes, there are steps involving finding Prince Charming-future-co-Clan-Chief). “Ninja-verse fandom” is all about my writing, which is something I love, even when scenes are frustrating me. I’ve always loved telling stories– childhood friends may remember that I’ve always loved telling stories. I love all the work that goes into crafting a good story– the research, the world building, the character creation, the plotting, time lining, the actual scene and chapter writing. Telling and writing stories is, I think, my vocation. It’s what I’m supposed to do. To play with ideas and express them as adventure, as romance, as Ninjas-in-Space! Awww yeah!

Once these goals are set out, and steps listed for each, there comes the inevitable process of comparing what one has been doing, to the goals and steps written down. What are your current commitments, and how well do they match up with your goals and needs? For instance, on average, adult humans need 7 hours of sleep a night. This is true for me, so I need to be getting to bed no later than the 9:30-10PM time-frame. Also, I am very much an introvert– I need time alone, time to let go of everything and re-charge. Any chore that adds mental stress negates the fact of being alone. These are things that can’t be changed– they can be “Dealt with”, but cannot be changed. I have to work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, and have to go to church on the weekend. These are the non-negotiable items. This means that all mornings except Saturday are booked solid, from the start, with maybe some room on the occasional Sunday if I go to Mass on Saturday evening.

So. . . all of this has been on my brain. Then a Mormon friend posted this article to her facebook feed: When We Try to One-Up the Lord’s Standards: Culture vs. Commandments. I’m not Mormon myself, but I still really resonated with a lot of what the author had to say. I am intimately acquainted with the feeling that I’m not doing enough, that I’m constantly falling short of what the Lord desires of me, that I should always be striving to do more for the Lord. That I’m not devoting enough time or resources to charitable endeavors, to helping others. So this article got things really ticking in my brain– perhaps part of my problem is not that I’m not doing enough for the Lord, but rather that my a priori definition of Doing the Lord’s Work has somehow included: “Whatever you’re doing, if you enjoy it, it’s Not the Lord’s Work. If it’s not directly working with the Poor, it’s Not the Lord’s Work.” You can see where this might become problematic. Not everyone is called to serve the Lord in the same ways. Bot somehow, my understanding of such work was narrowed down to the High-School Service Hours definition. Working at a soup kitchen, or a homeless shelter would count, but freely contributing what small amount of Beauty I could into the world most assuredly did not. No amount of singing for free could amount to one hour in a soup kitchen. My writing, or work on it, would never count because no matter what I wrote, no matter what theological ideas I worked with and tried to express, it wasn’t directly helping the poor, and in addition, I plan to try to sell the stories, and if any money is made, then it’s right out of consideration.  But not to sing, and not to write, was to squander the Talents He gave me. So, I had to do both, and the soup kitchen and homeless shelter and more, because the Gifts I was given were not, by my definition, suitable for His Work. (We’ll not even talk about the spiritual angst involved with not having started a family yet. That’s a whole other can of tangled worms. . .)

Yes, I see now how stupid it was to be thinking such things. I suspect, however, I am far from the only person to have fallen into this trap. We elevate charitable work, but have such a narrow view of what “counts”. . .

Then, David Bowie died. Then Alan Rickman died. Two men who wielded immense influence over my development as a musician and as a storyteller.  Both were severe shocks, and surprisingly personal losses. Bowie was the man who influenced the men who influenced me, the root cause, so to speak, of my development as an artist. His ceaseless exploration of ideas and self, no matter how weird or unusual, is the root of my ceaseless exploration of ideas and self. I am no Bowie, but in the end, I learned the pursuit of Truth No Matter What from him. Rickman portrayed some of my favorite villains, as well as Metatron and Professor Snape. His portrayals of his characters, from Hans Gruber, to the Sheriff of Nottingham, Metatron, and my beloved Professor, helped me learn how to craft characters of interest and depth. Both deaths were unexpected, seemingly sudden, a painful reminder of the ticking clock. . .

. . . And of those goals that need addressing. . . an indication that one cannot “wait for life to sort itself out” to get on with what one should be doing. I cannot wait– I spend so much of the year saying “things will calm down once ______ has passed, then I’ll get ______ done”, only to find that the expected calm never comes. It’s one thing after another– End of Fiscal Year, this holiday, that big convention, this other event. . .  things never calm down, because after every event, all the things I was desperately postponing crowd back in. It’s too much, not if I’m to accomplish what I’m supposed to accomplish. I’m constantly juggling commitments– all things I enjoy, but not all actually furthering any of my goals. My house is a mess because I have no regular time for chores. My fitness progress is always stalled because too many days, I chose between working out (and thus not having time to make my own meals), or making healthy meals (and not having time to work out). I don’t get to sit down to write until 8 or 9 pm (or 10 or 11pm), by which time my brain is so tired I hardly can type a sentence.

Yesterday, I made a list of all my Not-Work and not Actual Church Service Commitments, and the frequency of these commitments. They are as follows:

1. Choir 1 — weekly plus concerts
2. Choir 2 — weekly plus certain holidays
3. Charitable Organization — monthly, plus additional
4. Charitable Organization 1a — monthly
5. Big Convention — yearly, plus ~ 1 week, plus sick time after
6. Little Convention — yearly, plus ~ 1 week
7. Community Emergency Response Team 1, Local level — quarterly
8. Community Emergency Response Team 2, County level — monthly
9. Community Emergency Response Team 2, State level — monthly
10. Community Emergency Response Team 3, State level — monthly
11. Exercise/ Physical fitness — daily, except Sunday

Yes, there is scheduled time for expected illness. (sigh). These can also be broken down as follows:

1. Daily Commitments: 1
2. Weekly Commitments: 2
3. Monthly commitments: 5
4. Quarterly Commitments: 1
5. Yearly Commitments: 2

Two commitments in a day means I cannot cook, or do other household chores for that day, as the whole day will be spent in commitments and the driving to and from them. More than 2 days of 2 commitments in a week starts to effect diet, exercise, sleep, chores, and anything else I might possibly try to be doing with my life for the entire week. Missed sleep is not made up until maybe Saturday but, sleep too late on Saturday, and that cuts into the one day I have to catch up on everything else. If you look at the frequency breakdowns, you can see how this starts to become a problem. My weekly commitments plus my physical fitness needs max me out at the beginning, but then 5 monthly commitments means 1-2 additional commitments per week, plus quarterly and yearly when they come around.

This is untenable, but it’s how I’ve been going about my life for some time. Taking the first list, I compared it to my goals. Some of them fit into my goals. Some do not. I enjoy all of them– it’s the only reason I do them. I enjoy what I’m doing and I love the people I’m with. . . but I’ve got to cut back. Some things, those that are part of some of my goals, can be scaled back a bit (and to heck with anyone who gives me crap about it. Seriously, screw ’em.), some other things may have to go entirely. For commitments I’ve made through the end of February, I’ll be keeping almost all of those, because I don’t want to bail on people with such short notice. But beyond that. . . there will be cutbacks and cut-outs. Simply because there are things I’m supposed to be doing, but I’m so over-committed, that it’s a special occasion when I make any progress at all with them. And my health can’t take it– I can’t get in shape if I don’t have time to exercise, time to clean my house ,time to defrost my freezer so my fridge will work again, time to make my own meals, time to get my needed hours of sleep. . .

So, look. . . to everyone who will soon be seeing less of me: I am sorry. Please believe, this isn’t because I don’t like what we’ve been doing. And this isn’t because I’m “pussing out.” I will definitely miss these things, and the people involved, but these cuts have to be made. This is because I have my own priorities, my own goals, and I have to pursue them. There’s no point to my life if I do otherwise.

FYI sort of Update

While I’m keeping this blog for eventual longer essay-posts, the blog format in general is too . . .big . . . for the type of post I’m usually doing, which is seeing something cool/ interesting/ etc, and passing it on, maybe with a comment or three of my own. So, i’ve been trying to figure out some other platforms, and I think Tumblr is really better suited toward that.

So, if interested, you can find me more regularly at: http://zophielmalfoy.tumblr.com/

WARNING: In addition to most of the stuff you’re used to seeing, you’ll also be explosed to 1) Fangirling over many things and 2) Random thoughts. Some of it is serious, a lot of it isn’t. So, er, FYI.